I'm Not Supposed to Love You
by fang shinobi
Summary: ONESHOT They're friends who start drifting apart. Why bother? Suika


**I'm Not Supposed to Love You **by **fang_shinobi**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto does. I found this anonymous poem online.

**A/N:** Resubmitted from my collection of one shots, MBF. I've taken it down and reposted each one shot.

…

_I'm not supposed to love you…_

Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke.

She wrote his name down on the last page of her notebook for the sixty-second time.

Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke.

His name was like a spell, binding her and sending her deeper into oblivion.

Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke.

She stole a glance at him, the school heartthrob. Cold as ice, sharp as steel, and as dark as the dead of night.

Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke.

She blushed, just by seeing his profile from where she sat, mesmerized.

She looked down to continue her everyday ritual when she realized that her desk was bare. Where did the notebook go? She scrambled to find it, under the desk, inside the compartment, under her seat…

"Psst, Karin. Oi."

She spun around in her seat to the source of the voice and found her silver-haired classmate dangling the notebook in his hand, the contents of the last page glaring at her. She felt the blood shoot up to her face, and she knew her face now matched the fiery red of her hair. He smirked, mouthing, "This yours?"

She shrieked voicelessly in protest. "Don't you dare," she mouthed back.

He shrugged exaggeratedly before placing the notebook inside his desk and resting his arms and head down, as if to continue a nap.

She glared at him before shooting a dark look at the orange-haired boy sitting beside her.

He caught her look and merely shrugged, indifferent, before returning his attention to the lecture.

The redhead was trapped in silent agony as the class went on, unable to say anything lest her impish classmate reveal the contents of her notebook.

…

She confronted him after the class, demanding him to return the notebook.

He said he would but suspended it high over her head instead. If only he wasn't that much taller than her!

After a few minutes of her hopping around and trying to reach it, their orange-haired classmate arrived, easily returning it to its rightful owner before someone got hurt.

"Aw, thanks, Juugo," groaned the silver-haired boy.

She punched him on the shoulder and stormed off.

…

He annoyed her for the rest of the class, throwing paper planes and wads of paper in her hair.

She threw a notebook at his face in fourth period, and they were sent to the Principal's office.

…

_I'm not supposed to care_

It was a month ago, during the first week of the school year, when they noticed how Karin had changed.

"Oi, Karin, what's up? Not up to bat?"

She shook her head, looking away.

She squirmed in her seat when he came too near, already pressing his hands on the short wall she was sitting on. He'd gotten taller over the summer. He could look her eye to eye even with her extra leverage.

"What's wrong? You're acting weird… Ah… it's that time of the month, huh?"

Her face glowed a bright red. "No, it's not," she snapped back.

"Well, whatcha waiting for?"

To her surprised, he suddenly grabbed her by the waist and lifted her up.

"Oi! Let me down!" she shrieked when he placed her over his shoulder.

She started hitting him on the back and he dropped her on her feet.

"What's wrong with you today?" he asked, surprised.

"Nothing!" she shouted back. "I should be asking you that! I'm a girl, you idiot! I don't want to play football!"

"Never stopped you from playing before."

She glimpsed a group of guys across the field from them, looking their way. Amongst them was Sasuke.

She blushed in embarrassment and shoved the silver-haired boy. "Leave me alone!"

She marched off.

"Forget her," said one of the boys. He held the football in one hand. "Let's play! Hora hora!"

"Oi, Suigetsu." Juugo placed a hand on his shoulder.

He shrugged the hand away and kicked the wall. "Whatever," he grumbled. "Oi, you 'tards! Let's play ball!"

She was never seen near that field again.

…

"Hozuki is absent," said the teacher. "I need someone to bring him today's seatwork."

"Ha. Did shark boy get into another fight?" Karin discreetly sneered in Juugo's direction. She was still mad at Suigetsu for uncovering her secret. He spent the last month teasing her about it in ambiguous terms, never revealing the truth but threatening to do so at any given chance.

"He's sick."

"Finally. A flu strong enough to keep him in bed and out of my hair."

"Any volunteers?" asked the prof. "Ninjin-san?"

"I have cram school till late at night, Sensei," replied Juugo.

"Nerd," muttered Karin.

"Anyone else?"

Juugo looked at Karin expectantly. She'd been to Suigetsu's house before. She owed him enough to do him this one favor.

She rolled her eyes. _That shark's gonna owe me big for this one_, thought the redhead as she was about to raise her hand.

"I'll do it, Sensei," said a quiet voice.

"That's settled then. Sanada-san, please approach me later for the copy of today's work load. Now, on to the discussion…"

Karin gaped in surprise at the owner of the voice, a cute, simple girl named Chitose, who up until that moment, she'd never taken much notice of. Who was she and how does she even know him?

…

It was a week later when Suigetsu returned to class. He was late as usual and came in just as the bell stopped ringing. He also almost knocked the teacher down.

He gave a hasty and light-hearted apology before taking his seat. The instructor passed off the incident and started the lecture almost immediately.

To Karin's surprise, the silver-haired boy behaved quite well. He slept half the time and never bothered to look her way when he was conscious. He was his usual self save the sudden lack of attention towards her. She would have savored the momentous occasion if only she didn't find it too suspicious.

…

She ate bento for lunch inside the classroom as she usually did, staring out the window half the time. Strangely, time seemed to pass slower this time around. She wondered why it was so.

"Chinese dumplings, eh?"

"Scram, Juugo. I'm not giving you any."

"Didn't plan to ask for any. Just ate." He took his seat. "Though, Suigetsu would probably have asked for some."

"The idiot would have. Speaking of the devil, where is he?"

He looked at her in appraisal.

"What? Stop looking at me funny. It's just that he's usually hanging around me at this time, bugging me to share my lunch."

"Uh-huh." Juugo took out a textbook and started reading.

"Geek," muttered Karin before dissecting one of the dumplings with her teeth.

It was a few minutes later when Suigetsu returned to the classroom. Chitose came in with him, both of them laughing at some sort of joke.

Karin almost choked on a dumpling when she saw them holding hands.

…

_I'm not supposed to live my life_

_Wishing you were there_

Karin passed by the football field for the first time after a couple of months. The usual lot of guys played there, chasing after the ball and violating half the rulebook in the process. Last year, she would have joined in the rough-housing. That was because last year, she was a rough-and-tumble girl, never letting anyone tell her off and making sure they learned their lesson. Because last year, she never cared how she looked or how others thought of her. Because last year, she barely cared about her manners or whether she was disrespectful or not. Because last year, she wasn't crushing on Sasuke yet.

She sighed and approached the short wall on one side of the field.

Juugo wasn't playing today either. He'd headed off to the library like the nerd he was. For such a huge guy, you'd think he'd prefer sports when he had nothing to do. But, no, he said, Suigetsu won't be there anyway, so why bother playing? He needed to review for the exams. That lucky bastard Suigetsu had a date with Chitose anyway.

She kicked the wall, bruising her toes. "Ow, ow, ow." She skipped in pain before she managed to hop her way back to the wall.

She continued to cuss under her breath as she watched the students horsing around on the field. A few minutes later, a football rolled nearby, and someone called out, "Could you get that?"

"Can't you see I'm a little preoccupied-" Her voice trailed off when she saw that it was Sasuke addressing her. She skipped on one foot to reach the ball. He arrived just in time to help her up.

"Did you sprain your ankle?"

"Uh, uh, n-no, I didn't." She was vaguely aware that her face felt hot, which pretty much meant that she must have been blushing like crazy.

"Sasuke, what's taking you so long?" someone called out. "Or are you just chicken to get your ass whooped?"

Karin glimpsed at the speaker and almost did a double take fast enough to break her neck. It was that girl Sakura from her class. She stood in front of the goal in her school uniform and no gloves.

"Not a chance," replied Sasuke. "There's no way you'll be able to block any of my strikes."

"Try me!" challenged the pink-haired girl.

Karin's face almost crumbled into a hundred pieces when Sasuke returned to the field with the ball. She watched them play and flirt, wondering how the hell they can do both at the same time. _But I've been playing football since before she did_! was her mental scream. Sakura was an athlete, but she preferred volleyball, so why the hell was she playing football?

The redhead cussed under her breath as she limped away.

…

_I'm not supposed to wonder_

_Where you are or what you do_

She leaned out the window and stared down at the football field, which was visible from where she sat. Ah, they were playing again, even when it was only lunch break. She didn't want to know how those dorks would smell like when they came in for afternoon class all sweaty and grimy.

"Oi."

She started, almost losing her balance.

What could have ensued ought to have been an extremely gruesome fall had a hand not grabbed her arm and pulled her back into the room. She fell right into her savior, sending him crashing to the floor.

"What the hell?" uttered Suigetsu from under her. "And I thought the roof was the favorite suicide site."

She writhed her arm out of his grasp and wormed away, red-faced. The last time she'd been that close to him was during the last football game they played a few months ago, when she tackled him for the ball. She wondered how she could've managed to act that nonchalantly with a guy before, especially in such a reckless manner.

"Aren't you even going to thank me?" he asked. "You were heavy, you know."

"Why isn't your Chitose with you?" she asked, ignoring his derogatory remark as she got back to her feet.

Suigetsu looked at her funny as he got up. "What? Do I look like her owner?"

"More like the other way around."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Admit it, you're her puppy dog."

"Am not." His mouth was starting to go askew, an indication that he was really getting irritated. "Besides, it's not like you see us around together that much. You're always cooped up in the classroom anyway. You don't even know where we hang out."

"Says who? I happen to see you guys a lot…" The confidence in her voice was failing. Ugh, why did she have to start with the puppy dog thing? She'd never actually seen him act like that, nor could she imagine him resembling such a cute adorable creature for that matter.

"Yeah, right."

"W-well, I don't, okay? Why should I care what you do?"

He made a face and took something from his desk. He held out the plain box. "Anyway… Happy Birthday."

She felt her face drop. She hadn't celebrated her birthday in years, and she barely cared for the occasion, even now. Yet he'd always been the one who remembered.

"Ah, thanks," she muttered, taking the item.

He left the room before she could open it.

It was one of those jeweled hairclips. It didn't look like it could have been cheap. She never liked these sort of things before, but it sort of went along with her new image now.

Happy Birthday.

…

She couldn't sleep well one night, tossing and turning in her sleep. She woke up at quarter past one in the morning and cussed her way to the kitchen. She drank some water and ended up returning to the fridge for the leftover custard pie. She was wide awake now, so what did it matter if she ate a bit?

She sat on the kitchen table with the empty plate and stared at the kitchen clock. She couldn't think of anything else to do, yet she was as alert as if it had already been daytime.

She realized she'd never eaten a midnight snack before. Well, it was past midnight, but, hey, you get the idea… Last year, she'd always been so tired she'd fall into a seemingly drugged state once her head touched the pillow. She always had energy, and she never failed to maximize it. Sports, outings, rough-housing, video games… To think about it, her new lifestyle was pretty boring.

Her nails were nice and manicured, her hair smooth and manageable, her glasses were new and didn't need patching up (how many times did she break them back then?), her movements never too stiff or rough… but her life was boring… half the time she was obsessing over a guy who never looked her way… and who was now dating that floozy classmate of theirs… and the other half, she was stuck in her reveries of what was and what could have beens.

She crossed her arms on the table and laid her head down on them. She started tapping the wooden surface of the table.

She vaguely wondered what Suigetsu was doing… probably spread out on the bed like a rag doll, his mouth hanging wide open. Little or nothing could wake him up when he passed the point of no return. She had always wondered if there would come a time he would slip in too deep and never wake up. Or maybe he was still up, reading manga or playing video games… or… or…

She shook her head, driving away the thoughts that clouded her oh-so pristine mind. Why was he always creeping into her head like that? Enough of that.

She got up to return to her room. She needed some sleep.

…

The next week was the first time she saw Suigetsu and Chitose eat lunch inside the room.

She brought him bento she probably made herself. The redhead was eating her lunch in the other side of the room, subconsciously noting that the other girl would need to make more than one to keep him going through the whole day, but what did she care?

After a while, Chitose started feeding him herself. Karin had minimal tolerance for gushy lovebirds, but when one of those lovebirds included _that_ guy, it was even harder to stomach. She left the room to finish her meal in peace.

…

It was probably Wednesday or Thursday when Karin passed by the park and saw them there. He was trying to teach Chitose how to dribble a football. She was doing badly, but he was pretty patient with her.

Karin remembered how they first played that game, back when he was still teaching her the ropes. She ended up with more scrapes and bruises than she had ever had in her few years of existence, and she cried when she realized that her mom would be furious to see her like that. He told her to suck it up and keep on playing. She never cried over getting hurt in a game again. From then on, she was satisfied with being a sore loser and kicking a few guys in the shins when they overdid it. Ah, revenge was very satisfactory in those days.

She absentmindedly touched her knee, where a scar had formed from one of those scrapes, hidden under her stockings. Lucky Chitose.

She ended up visiting the old field where they used to play. Kids didn't visit the area too often anymore. Half the time, children these days were indoors, playing videogames.

She went home late, and her mom scolded her for it, demanding to know where she went and what she'd been doing. Just visiting the past, she answered.

…

"Oi, Juugo, what're you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" He bounced the football on his head a couple of times before catching it with the side of his heel, volleying it a few times.

The rest of the area was empty. She had been on her way home from grocery shopping when she saw him playing alone in the empty lot.

It was rare to find empty lots like this these days. There was always too many people moving in and building houses in the neighborhood.

"Let me…" she said, putting her plastic bags down.

He kicked the ball towards her, and she bounced it on her knee and on her shoulder, sliding it down one arm. "Ah, I still got it." She was going to catch the ball with her head, but it slipped off her hair and bounced to the ground. "Not so much," she groaned. Or was it because her hair was too smooth?

"So…" Juugo picked up the ball. "Why'd you start playing again?"

"Seeing you here… alone…" She was teasing. She knew he preferred solitude as much as he did company with friends.

"Suigetsu's on a date again…"

"Why bring the dunce up?" she asked, a bit too defensively. "I wasn't asking about him."

He looked at her a second too long, so she added, "What?"

He started tossing the football from one hand to another.

"Just a question. What do you like about Sasuke?"

"I don't know…" A crease formed on her forehead. "Well… I thought he was hot… but then, I don't really care anymore."

"Wasn't he the reason for the… change?"

"Yeah… Wait, I don't like the direction this conversation is heading…" She went to pick up her grocery bags.

"Heads up!" He tossed her the football, and she caught it, thank god. "If Suigetsu asked you out, would you have gone out with him?"

"What?" She felt her face warm up. "That's just sick." She looked down, fumbling with the ball. "I mean, he… you know…" What would she have done then?

"He used to be like a brother to me…" she continued. "It would've been awkward, even if I hadn't… changed… Mou… It's not like he would've asked me out!"

Considering the thought alone wreaked havoc inside her head. That idea seemed so… far-fetched.

"Are you sure about that?"

He made such a serious face, she just felt like she needed to at least try to hit him in the face with the ball. He caught it before it could cause any damage though.

She huffed stubbornly before running on home.

Would she have said yes then?

…

It was raining that Sunday. She gazed out the shop window and wished she'd never left the house. But it was her only day off. Why waste it?

The blanket of rain outside reminded her of the times she'd carelessly played under it, wallowing in the mud at times. How could she have been so stupid as a kid? Oh, it was Suigetsu's fault. He had a high resistance to fevers and the like, and he easily convinced her to join in his fever-inducing frolicking. He always ended up keeping her company when she inevitably caught a cold and ended up confined indoors for a while.

She vaguely regretted not reciprocating the deed. She would have enjoyed seeing him in such a vulnerable state, all weak, pale and feverish…

Ah, so that was what Chitose did… and why they ended up dating… What if she'd been in her place? She violently shook her head, wishing the thought away.

That idiot Suigetsu… She was counting on him to be the disagreeable idiot that he was when she became who she was right now… Someone needed to be himself around here… Not some love-sick dodo brain.

She pulled on a lock of her hair in frustration. Why was he always the one thing that entered her mind whenever there was an empty parking spot in there? They were no longer friends for crying out loud!

She sighed, running her fingers through her hair. She pushed the door open, shoving the umbrella ahead of her and opening it as she emerged from the shop.

The drops of rain were noisy against her umbrella…

Yet not loud enough to drown out the loud beating of her heart.

There he was across the street from her, holding an umbrella over himself and Chitose. They were talking nonchalantly as they exited the shop.

Her heartbeat sounded like bongo drums in her head. Why was it so loud?

He looked happy with her. Big deal. It's not like he hadn't had fun times with her as well… Wait, now why did that matter to her?

He draped the hand holding the umbrella on Chitose's shoulder. Karin never took him for a romantic. The guy had a low tolerance for that. Seeing him so mushy made her insides bubble. What was it that made her feel that way?

The drums grew deafening in her ears.

And he leaned down and gave his girl a kiss.

Karin's hand flew to her mouth in shock. The umbrella fell from her grasp, and she heard the wet noise it made upon hitting the street.

She knew it! Suigetsu was body swapped somehow! The real idiot would never do such a thing!

She couldn't tell why, but the tears flowed down her cheeks and lost themselves in the rain. For some reason inexplicable to her, she wanted to shout, to scream, to _say something_, but nothing came out.

The loud bongo drums continued in her head.

She was just thinking of body swapping, and this happened! What was going on?

_I'm sorry, I can't help myself_

She saw him turn to look her way, but she was already running off and trying to lose herself in the crowd.

She felt a heaviness on her shoulders she couldn't easily shake off. What was that feeling on her chest that made it throb so much?

Why were her shoulders trembling? Like someone was shaking her so hard?

_Why? Why do I keep feeling this way?_ she sobbed inwardly.

She couldn't hear the drums at all. They sounded like a helicopter now, buzzing loudly in her head.

_Why?_

She tried wiping the tears away, but they kept flowing, probably even faster than the rain did.

_Is it because… no, that's impossible!_

She heard a loud sob despite the noise in her head. She was surprised to find out that it was her own voice, bawling shamelessly as she ran. _Why am I doing this?_

_Cause I'm in love with you…_

**End**

…

**A/N: **By the way, here's the poem again:

_I'm not supposed to love you_

_I'm not supposed to care_

_I'm not supposed to live my life_

_Wishing you were there_

_I'm not supposed to wonder_

_Where you are and what you do_

_I'm sorry I can't help myself_

_Cause I'm in love with you_

**Additional Note: **It ends there. Sorry, Suika fans.

Ninjin – carrot! Reminds me of Juugo's hair haha… Seriously, I doubt there's such a surname.

Football – I meant soccer by that. SOCCER.

**Please review.** Sankyu!


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